By Way of Introduction

I decided this morning on my way to work that if I was really going to give this blogging thing a chance, I needed to create for myself a secret identity. It’s always risky to put oneself out there into the world of harsh and critical people, especially if you deal with low self-esteem and lack of confidence.

So, “Hi! I’m Michelle Johnson”. There’s nothing special about that name, but it means something to me, and truth be known, is a name that hopefully I won’t forget. How many passwords have I forgotten because, in following the rules for the creation of the password for that particular site, I chose something that made logical and relatable sense in the moment, but that I can’t retrieve from my brain the sense or logic related to it in order to remember it later? Whether I use my real name or my superhuman pseudo name, it doesn’t really matter because, you don’t know me anyway. I’m pretty much an unknown nobody. But to be honest, I want to be completely honest and forthright in all my dealings, even blog writing. All that to say, I’m using a pen name—just so you know.

I have, what I think, is a great idea for a YouTube channel, and others I’ve shared my idea with have agreed—my husband being one. So, when I told him the other day that I decided not to follow through with it, he asked what it would take to make it become a reality for me, I said “plastic surgery, braces, and tattooed eyebrows”—the only tattoo I would ever consider getting.

Have you ever glanced at a mirror as you walked past and been startled because you didn’t recognize the person glancing back, only to give a sigh of relief when you realize, “Oh, it’s just me”? When this started happening to me, was when I first came to the realization that I am getting old. A former neighbor once told me that the Primary song we used to sing: Head, shoulders, knees, and toes, knees and toes, knees and toes, Head, shoulders, knees, and toes, eyes, ears, mouth, and nose, in older age becomes a list of replaceable body parts. Luckily, I’m not quite to that point yet. Just something to look forward to.

I don’t have the answer and have not done any research to see if anyone else does either, but what causes older folks to begin shuffling their feet when they walk? After suffering an embarrassing face-plant one winter morning on the way to my car, with arms so full that I couldn’t use my hands to break the fall—even if I’d had the presence of mind and quick enough response time to do so, I started shuffling my feet. Well, maybe I’d call it a ‘controlled slide’. I didn’t want to trip over a crack in the sidewalk, or slip on the ice or snow by stepping, whereas if I was gliding along the surface and moving slowly, I could keep my feet under myself a little better. So far, so good. This method has kept me from falling again. Or maybe it has just been luck, or providence, or a blessing—someone is watching out for me.

It seems that shuffling can also cause a person to trip more easily, whether on something like carpet or a rug, or even our own feet. And falls in the elderly are nothing to laugh about. Although I used to laugh pretty hard sometimes, along with the pre-recorded canned laughter in the background of America’s Funniest Home Videos when watching the belly flop, or someone running into a solid fixed object, or any number of crazy stunts. When in reality, more often than not I was hurting for those people who had been embarrassingly caught on video. It had to have been painful, or even damaging to them and here I was laughing at their expense. Sometimes, especially after the wounds have healed, like the black and blue spots on my face following my fall, we’re okay with laughing at ourselves and others over the ridiculous idiotic things we do. But sometimes not.

So, I’m hoping that this Michelle Johnson will give me the written external voice to the more confident person who exists in my head—the one I want to become.

Like a verse I wrote many years ago:

The thoughts in my head are much better up there,

Then they are when they come through my lips.

Sometimes they get twisted, and all turned around,

Saying things right is a trick.

In my head I am funny. In my head I am smart.

In my head, I make so much sense.

If people could hear what I say in my head,

Then maybe they’d know I’m not dense.

Here’s hoping.